If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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