Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
