She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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