After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
