if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
