you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
