Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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