he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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