May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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