I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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