using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
