She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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