I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I faked an abortion last night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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