Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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