And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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