five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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