I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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