he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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