I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
