omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
