Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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