Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ketchup is God's man juice
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just pee around me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Randomize
