He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
