If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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