so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
