You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
