I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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