It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
