are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
only you would photoshop your dick
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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