Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
