You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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