Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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