yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
