I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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