So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
