There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
