He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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