where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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