So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How does one acquire holy water?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
