But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
