So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
