i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
