Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
