just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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