Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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