Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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