i wish my penis had a tongue
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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