Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
