Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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