PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
