my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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