i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
