like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
