Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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