Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
