in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
