I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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