My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
