Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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