whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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