dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
