My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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