Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize